Laughing at Myself

“Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.”

I’m not sure who said that or where I read it first but I believe it to be true. Why?  Because, I have a laugh at myself daily. Today and yesterday is no exception to that rule.

Have you ever lost a wallet? I have been in a panic since yesterday when my wallet was officially MIA – complete with IDs, Credit Cards, and a host of other important things. Sevice Canada’s web page on losing wallets says "Losing your wallet or purse with your government identification can be stressful. Don’t panic."  Well, I began the process of retracing my steps with precision and calm. Let’s just check all of the pockets in the cloths I have had on since Monday. “Wait a minute,” I said to myself.  “The cloths I wore on Monday afternoon had no pockets. That’s right.” So I proceeded to ask myself a series of questions. The first being “When did you last use it?” That’s was an easy one for self to answer. “I bought lunch at Wendy’s on Monday.” Then I asked myself, “What about the evening?” Self thought for a moment and replied, “I was at a friend’s house for a hot-tub.  The trunks I wore had no pockets so I carried my wallet in my hand with the cell phone.”  Now I was excited. Self had given me a couple of leads. I knew that Catherinanne had dropped me at my friend’s house so her car was a possibility. His house was also a possibility. I immediately went to the counter in my house to see if my wallet was visiting with my cell phone. No sale. So I called my friend and asked him, “Did I leave my wallet at your house?” He replied that he thought he saw a wallet on the counter in his home and he would look when he got there.  Great, now I was feeling pretty good. An hour later – not so good. “Kevin, false alarm,” the voice on the other end said. It was not your wallet on the counter.

Now what? I called Catherinanne at CFB Borden. It is only 500 km away – I could drive there and get it I guess.  Catherinanne searched her car and called me back.  ‘Sorry Kevin, I cannot find it in my car.” Now I was headed toward panic. I searched my van. I searched my bedroom, kitchen, dining room, living room and den. I searched everywhere imaginable. I could not find it.  At 10:45 pm I decided to change the cat litter. I took the box to the garage to do that. In the minute that it took to go get the new liner for the box one of the cats peed on the floor. I now have some idea of what it is like to take off a diaper and have a baby do business before the new ones back on. You can imagine the fine words I had for the cats. Once done with the cat litter I thought one more trip through the van for the wallet might be in order. I looked again – nada! I noticed that there was some water leaking from the garden hose so I said to myself “Should turn the water off at the source.” Self was happy to oblige. As I leaned in to turn the tap off I felt a resounding thud between my eyes. There was a garden rake sitting by the hose that I stepped on and the handle jerked back and smacked me between the eyes. OUCH! Big headache today! At that point I gave up and sat on the front porch with a tea.

I made several attempts at sleeping, none really worked. I kept dreaming about finding the wallet in different places. Three times I got out of bed to look in places as strange as the freezer. Hey it could happen!

I got up in the morning and started the day with a trip to the dump with a neighbour at 8:30 AM. Don’t laugh the dump is exciting. I explained to him how I had no money, no ID, no bank cards, nothing and that I might need assistance before the day was out. He seemed happy to oblige. I came into the office dejected and tired and thought there is no more I can do. I looked at Service Canada’s website on lost wallets (Yes there is such a creature). It has such great advice as to get new IDs and Credit cards and reminds you that you will need ID to get the new stuff.  I was about to call the bank when I thought one more call to my friend was in order. “Any chance it is in you car,” I asked? “Well I looked this morning in the front seat, it was not there.” “But I was in the back seat.” “I’ll take another look.” Ten long minutes passed. He called back. The voice on the other end said “Ding, ding, ding, ding! I have found your wallet!” I was so relived. “Was it in the back seat?” “No it was in the console.” Well I was thrilled to bits.

What can I do but laugh at myself. I am constantly loosing things. This one was a little more serious and it was a painful night with the cat pee, the rake in the face, the lack of sleep, the weird dreams, and on and on. Now – thank God – I can laugh at it all. 

I can’t wait to see what the rest of this day will bring.