This news bulletin just in from “the Un-Associated Press”


At Approximately 7:38 AM on Thursday, March 30, 2006 a man was stopped in St. Clair Beach by the local law enforcement agency. The man reportedly was exercising his Lenten Spiritual discipline of walking every day for exercise and prayer. The police seemed unimpressed with his spirituality.  The problems were focused on where exactly he was walking. He had been walking against the traffic has he had been taught since childhood. Problem was he was walking on the shoulder of the road and not the sidewalk located on the other side. The police cruiser came to a grinding halt on Riverside Drive (A Busy Street in that town) and flashing lights were illumined. Witnesses say that the man had walked the whole stretch of Riverside from Manning Rd to Grace. This is a span of about 100 paces. The investigating officer lowered her window and made a quick and terse and quizzical statement – “You don’t like walking on the sidewalk?” The pedestrian told the officer that he was just about to go up Grace Rd which was now about 8 paces from the seen of the infraction. She then said it was not safe for the pedestrian to walk on the shoulder. This was rather humourous to the offender as crossing a busy street twice without a crosswalk for such a short distance is not a safe thing either. Witnesses say that by the time the police cruiser pulled away more than 10 cars were held up behind it. It has been said that the perpetrator of the heinous crime could heard muttering under his breath that “stopping quickly on Riverside Drive is also not safe.”


Local Human Rights people are outraged that this man was being persecuted while in the midst of his practicing his religious freedom. There are plans afoot to lobby local law enforcement to focus time and energy on more serious crimes such as vandalism to vehicles in local neighbourhoods, as well as violence and crime against the vulnerable. Feelings of the locals were summed up by Mr. Appalled who asked, “Who is the victim in this alleged crime?  Is it the sidewalk for being rejected?”   The thoughts of the community are with the man and hopes are that he will be unconditionally cleared of any wrongdoing. Mr. Aghast of LRW (Lenten Religious Walkers) is planning a sit in at the corner of Grace and Riverside Drive on Thursday Evening from 6 PM until dark. All who are concerned with Religious freedom are welcomed to attend."